


On the Edge of a Knife

by EdosianOrchids901



Series: Plain Simple Prompts [37]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Feels, M/M, POV First Person, POV Julian Bashir, Post-Episode: s04e10 Our Man Bashir, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 06:21:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16362533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdosianOrchids901/pseuds/EdosianOrchids901
Summary: Dialogue prompt: “I never expected much from you anyway.”





	On the Edge of a Knife

**Author's Note:**

> Part of a series of ficlets based on dialogue prompts from Tumblr. Written 7/18.

Ever since the day my spy program had gotten a little too real, Garak and I had been dodging each other. Sure, we still had lunch once a week, and we were nothing but polite. Beyond that, however, we largely kept to ourselves. And even at our lunches, there was a certain tension between us, as if a line had been crossed and neither of us were sure where our boundaries fell anymore.

And one day, I just wasn’t sure I could do it. Neither of us were remotely comfortable, so why were we still bothering?

So, trying to ignore the twisting, sick feeling in my gut, I went to his shop early.

He was bent over a project, intently focused when I stepped inside. In the moment before he realized I was there, I had a sudden, wild impulse to turn tail and flee.

Then he lifted his head. For a moment, we connected with each other - and then his customer service mask fell firmly into place.

“Ah, Doctor.” He set the suit aside, giving me a bland smile. “Something I can do for you?”

The words I’d prepared choked in my throat. All my rehearsed notions _\- I’m too busy to meet for lunch any more, perhaps we’ll just cancel for the immediate future_ \- vanished from my mind, and I found myself simply staring at him.

He tilted his head and blinked, studying me. And then, sudden crushing pain flashed in his eyes before he could hide it. “Ah. You no longer wish to spend time with me,” he said, almost to himself.

I swallowed hard, struggling to come up with a response. “I, uh...”

“No, you needn’t explain.” Garak shoved to his feet, moving to the nearest display and fussing with the outfits. “It’s understandable. I know I’m not exactly ideal company at times, and I likely become tiresome after a short while. Particularly with how many shiny new toys there are on the station.”

That cut straight to my heart, and I had to lean against the table for support. A toy? Is that all he thought he was to me? And even worse... _was_ I just abandoning him because I’d gotten bored and wanted to move to the next thing? Was I really like that?

“Garak–” I started, unsure of what to say.

“I never expected much from you anyway.” His voice had now dropped so low that I had to strain to hear him, even with my enhanced senses. I suspected he could barely even hear himself. “I never dared hope even for the friendship you offered these past years. All this time, all these lunches... I’ve been wondering when this would happen. I always knew we’d end up here, having this conversation.”

Garak took hold of a shirt sleeve, aimlessly smoothing away a nonexistent wrinkle. I could barely breathe now, too upset. Was this what I really wanted? Was I really willing to throw away our friendship over what had happened in the holosuite?

Then I noticed that Garak’s hands were shaking, and I could bear it no longer. Going to his side, I laid my hand on his shoulder.

He startled slightly at the touch, turning to look at me. There were no masks now, for either of us, and the utter devastation and hurt on his face startled me. Before I even realized what I was doing, I’d seized him in a hug.

“Doctor?” He remained stiff in my arms, unsure of what to do.

“Julian,” I corrected, my voice coming out ragged. “Please, Elim. Call me Julian.”

Hesitant, he brought his arms up around me. And then, as if he’d been waiting for this his whole life, all the tension flooded out of him and he melted against me. “Julian, then.”

I closed my eyes, pressing my face into his hair. I’d wanted to do this for so damn long. “I did initially come here to break off our lunches,” I whispered. “But that’s not what I want, not really. I want you to be in my life.”

Garak didn’t answer for a moment, and when he did speak, his voice was careful, guarded. “I eagerly anticipate further lunches.”

“Not just that.” I drew back, taking his face in my hands. He looked even more shocked now, as if he barely dared to hope this was actually happening. “Look, I know things have been complicated between us ever since the holosuite program. But I don’t care about that anymore. What I do care about is you, Elim. And I’d really like to kiss you right now. May I?”

“I...” He seemed to be having trouble processing my request. After what felt like an eternity to me, he touched my cheek. “Yes. I’d like that very much, my dear.”

Now I was the one who felt like I’d been waiting for this my entire life. At first hesitant, I brushed my lips against his. It felt natural, right, and I readily lost myself in a second, lingering kiss.

Was there ever a relationship without complications? I doubted it, and I knew that we likely had more obstacles than most, given how much we were both hiding. But that didn’t matter, not for now. All that mattered was this moment.


End file.
